“Maybe now we realized everything we were missing. Everyone in the world was richer than us, they did a lot of shit and they always got away with it. It makes you angry. It makes you restless."
Demon Copperhead
Do not try to make what happens happen as you wish, but wish that what happens happens as it happens, and the course of your life will be happy.
Epictetus
Does life evolve primarily through small, gradual changes or through large, catastrophic changes?
Alasdair Gray, Poor Creatures!
Dear and dear welcome back,
A new year opens full of good intentions, enthusiasm, but above all, tachipirina.
I don't know about you but our holidays didn't exactly go as planned and instead of writing to you from the high mountain peaks between a hot chocolate, skiing and a good book, I'm writing to you from my study while Orlando sleeps after giving us 10 days of cough, fever , desperate crying (poor nanny), urgency to stay close to mother 24 hours a day.
That's okay, it's the dark side of parenting: no longer being able to organize or predict anything, in fact as soon as you organize yourself something happens that messes up the cards.
It must be said, however, that I had the opportunity to read quite a bit and also watch a few films.
I finished Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver (you can buy it at this link ) winner of the 2023 Pulitzer Prize and it was a passionate and passionate read. I was a little fearful about the operation - the author has practically transposed the story of Dickens' David Copperfield from nineteenth-century London to the most remote corners of the United States of the 90s - but I have to admit that it works. Demon is a hero of our times with a wretched childhood, an eighteen-year-old mother addicted to drugs, a father who is no longer with us, terrible foster families, a grandmother to find, friends to conquer and bullies to fight.
What wins you over is his intelligent and ironic look at life, an eleven-year-old boy who is taller than average, who feels neither too unlucky nor too smart and who has one true superpower: knowing how to draw Marvel superheroes. I had fun, I was moved, I couldn't stop. I recommend it if you are looking for good novels that lead you to believe in the power of transformation.
But before I start advising you on a few things, I would like to give you a recap of what's happening here, because you've come in so many in the last few weeks (above all, there are many of you but I use the neutral so as not to disrespect anyone and all the genres here are welcome) and therefore I already ask forgiveness from those who have been here for a while and know these things, but leave me a space to remind you who I am, what you can read here, what I do etc etc
Who I am
My name is Marta Perego - and I think this is clear, but repeating your identity doesn't hurt - and since I was 22 I have been covering culture as a journalist. I have created various television programs focused on books and cinema (I'll tell you about a book on IRIS, Ora Cinema, I worked for LaF and Raitre) and then I gradually moved my work to social networks, sharing my passion for books and stories on Instagram and associating it with bookclubs, challenges, reading paths. I have also written a few books, the latest is entitled The truth is that you don't like yourself enough in which, together with the psychotherapist Valeria Locati, we try to redefine love by going beyond romantic ideals but also prevailing narcissism.
To avoid the CV effect, I'll leave you some links if you want to delve deeper into my bio:
Here I talk about my work on social media.
My book (you can buy it at this link )
This is a very nice podcast where I was a guest with Valeria in which we talked about love, romantic myths, Jane Austen, feminism, guests of Karen Cecchini @caraseimaschilista
Here instead I talk about my idea of motherhood
PODCAST
From January I will be increasingly active in podcasts. I understood that that is a very congenial space for me (certainly more than TikTok...) and I created a completely free space, conceived as a diary and a space for reflection in which I will talk to you about books, philosophy, existential concepts, things I do, I see I look. How certain books have changed my life and how they have changed the lives of people I know.
I will share excerpts, quotes, reflections.
You can find it here:
https://www.myflaneuse.com/podcasts
and here https://open.spotify.com/show/7vStidBSmr4cOu1Yq9r8Y6
MY APPROACH
I have always been convinced that books and stories change your life, not because we have thaumaturgical and divine powers but because they have the ability, book after book, word after word - if you listen - to transform our point of view on things, generate empathy, train our gaze towards others and ourselves. In the last three years I have attended a master's degree in philosophical counseling which helped me develop a method that I call Bibliosophia and which is not even a method, it is more a way of reading and studying authors which is not focused on literary criticism, as for the transformation of the self using philosophical tools.
Often when we find ourselves in moments of crisis, the questions we ask ourselves are philosophical and existential questions: who am I, what am I doing here, what is my vocation, what is my life plan, how do I overcome failure...
Philosophy and books can help to find a path (it is not an alternative to psychotherapy or analysis, it comes alongside it, offers new stimuli, opens up to reflection and intuition). A path that is already within us, but needs someone to help us illuminate it.
To understand how it works you can download this PDF in which I tell you about it and the cases of three people who turned to me for a philosophical/literary counseling journey and how they transformed their lives.
You can download the PDF directly at this link
If you are interested in these individual paths you can write to me at flaneuse.martaperego@gmail.com or sign up for the IMPROVE YOURSELF WITH BOOKS sessions that you find here .
NEW FLANEUSE APPOINTMENTS
Many new Flaneuse events will arrive in January:
OUR BOOKCLUB
The first flaneuse bookclub of the year dedicated to the novel is already active (which you can purchase at this link ) from which one of the most anticipated films of 2024 was based (at least in the first part of the year): POOR CREATURES.
The novel is from 1992 written by Alasdair Gray, a multifaceted Scottish author who had the ambition of making his Glasgow a literary territory. Inventor of new genres, designer, eccentric, crazy. The film, which I have already seen at the Venice Film Festival, is extraordinary and I am sure it will enter the contemporary imagination and Bella Baxter (an IMMENSE Emma Stone) will win the title of character of 2024.
But before being contaminated by the visual wonder, it is worth reading this unique and visionary novel, which gave life to the freest and most feminist character I have read written by the pen of a man.
Accessing the bookclub is simple, just click JOIN here .
I will do a live introductory story on Tuesday 16 January at 4pm (I know it's a difficult time but you can catch up on it both on Instagram and in the podcast).
We will then find ourselves talking about the novel together on ZOOM (I will share the link both here, in stories and via email) Thursday 25th at 9pm (which is the day the film will be released).
By popular demand I have decided to organize a series of online group bibliosphia meetings, that is, a cycle of meetings that combines criticism and book therapy, creating a common thread that will allow participants to follow a literary, philosophical and existential journey.
HOW DOES IT WORK
I offer you 4 novels, one a month, to read as a starting point for comparison and as a stimulus to reflect and talk about yourself.
In a journey through texts different in eras and styles but extremely contemporary, which I will combine with the debate of philosophical practices that will shed light on some aspects of our lives: freedom, choices, the search for ourselves.
It can be a good way not only to get to know philosophers and writers, but also to understand how philosophical practices work and how useful they can be for our existential well-being.
In each meeting, lasting two hours, I will tell you about the author and the themes addressed in the novel, which it is better (but not strictly necessary) for you to have read. In the second part of the meeting, through philosophical practices we will put our lives on the line to better understand who we are through the author's stimuli.
The meetings will take place on zoom and will be recorded. If you sign up you will be able to receive the recording.
The meetings will take place on ZOOM, to register here is the link: https://www.myflaneuse.com/flaneuse-bibliosophia
Wednesday 7 February from 7pm to 9pm
FIND YOURSELF!
Simone De Beauvoir: A broken woman
You can buy it at this link
Three stories, three women, three crises. And a common theme: the loneliness that must be faced when every certainty collapses but which can also be the starting point for finding the strength to start again. “The door will open and I'll see what's behind it. There is the future."
Wednesday 6 March from 7pm to 9pm
FINDING YOUR FREEDOM
Virginia Woolf: Mrs Dalloway
The best-known novel by the great English writer is also a tool for analyzing our lives. It offers a method and a stimulus to not stop at appearances but go deeper.
You can buy it at this link
Wednesday 3 April from 7pm to 9pm
SEARCH YOUR VOCATION
Sylvia Plath: The Bell Jar
Little-known and autobiographical novel by the American poet is a journey to discover one's vocation and acceptance of one's vulnerabilities.
You can buy it at this link
Thursday 2 May from 7pm to 9pm
THE POWER OF CHOICES
Sartre's nausea
Masterpiece of the great French philosopher, Nausea is a fundamental text for understanding who we are and the importance of our choices.
You can buy it at this link
TO REGISTER FOR THESE MEETINGS CLICK HERE
THINGS I SAW, READ, THINK
They were strange holidays, very calm, in which perhaps I really "rested" for the first time despite having an 18 month old baby in my arms all the time. But perhaps precisely for this reason I have thought a lot about "motherhood", a very current topic, given the recent political declarations.
I don't want to talk about politics because it's an area that doesn't concern me, but what I think about motherhood, yes. Ever since I got pregnant I have been trying to deconstruct the maternal stereotypes in which we grew up and try, also through my experience, to reformulate the concept.
One thing I've realized is that "motherhood" is much more of an idea when it isn't there than when it is. Before becoming a mother I toiled a lot on the topic, a bit like in the beautiful autofiction by Sheila Heiti, which is called Motherhood and which if you are in a phase of reflection on becoming one or not I recommend it (the book is called Motherhood and you can find it here )
Then I became a mother and action took over thought: the daily routine, the schedules, the feedings, the baby food, the inclusion in nursery school, the unexpected events, the tachipirina. For me, who until that moment had lived only for myself in absolute disorganization and practical inability, it was a trauma (which continues for more, but I hope I will get out of it ). I was convinced - these are the recent words of our Prime Minister, but it is a rather widespread saying - that motherhood was a "goal". Something that you arrive at at a certain point and that somehow works for you. It is such a great force that it engulfs you and teaches you what to do, how to behave, making you immediately feel like the protagonist of the role. In reality over time I realized that this is not the case at all. Motherhood has very little to do with goals - like most relationships - but much more to do with a journey. Whether it arrives by determined choice or a bit by chance, it is an overwhelming phenomenon that makes you come out of yourself, and then make you come back in a different form. In the maternal narrative I see not only patriarchal patterns (the destiny of the woman, the only thing that can make you feel complete and nonsense of this sort), but also the other great chimera of contemporaneity: narcissism.
We think everything should be brought back to us. In an interview Sabrina Impacciatore, who I adore, "defended" herself in not being a mother by saying that "you can leave traces of yourself even without children". For goodness sake, it's true. We leave our DNA, our family history, to our children, we raise and educate them, but children are not our mirror. They are not something that exists to affirm us as mothers, women, human beings. They exist in themselves. The more we think that they can save us, affirm our status, provide proof of our "bravura", the more we shift the focus of the issue from them to ourselves. The more we obsess with "goals", a contemporary bugbear of performance societies, the more we neglect the path that we do not take alone with them as a reflection, but together.
So what do they do? I certainly don't have any answers. I know it's not true that I can't "imagine myself without Orlando". Motherhood defines me, but partially. I am his mother, but I am also many other things, which I defend and protect and which do not necessarily always come after, but the feeling I feel for this little being who pulls my hair to fall asleep goes beyond any reasonable explanation. It is an indefinable love that is based on fatigue and ambivalence. It is a love made of fear (that he will get hurt, that something will happen to him, that you might do something that doesn't do him any good), of total responsibility, of the desire for freedom, but also the need for contact.
It's the joy I feel in seeing him become more and more independent, when he learns the names of animals, claps his hands, dances to Christmas songs, says "bye, bye" to me and raises his hands to the sky to express the joy of seeing me again.
They are all emotions that I had never felt before and that are shaping me, changing me, I believe even making me better.
Surely this opinion will change, as I will change, as will the relationship that my baby and I will have.
And so no, motherhood is not an aspiration, it is not a goal, it is not something you have to do to feel complete or to leave a trace of yourself in the world. It is a one-of-a-kind transformative relationship, which is linked to procreation but above all to presence, to care, to always being there for the other even when you don't want to, even when you can't stand it anymore, even when you are too tired to get up. to yet another cry. Even when you would have liked to go to the mountains and your child has a fever and so no girl, no slopes, pizzoccheri and red wine, but afternoons of cuddles and reassurance, stop in the mobile with him in bed because if you try to move the litany begins "mum !mom!".
But then realize, you who were convinced you were selfish and impatient, that you are no longer. That you accept what happens as it happened, as Epictetus would say, and try to enjoy it for what it is: it's you at 39 with an 18-month-old baby spending his second Christmas holidays in bed with a fever. Leaving aside work, thoughts, having to do and having to be, because for him you are more than fine like that. In her pajamas, with her hair teased by her little hands and still with some leftovers of dough eaten for lunch. A nanny Francesca with the soul of Marcus Aurelius who completed her stoic training with a special coach: her son.
THINGS I HAVE SEEN
I managed to see the beautiful exhibition dedicated to Lee Miller at the Reggia di Stupinigi in Turin (unfortunately it ends on January 7th).
American photographer and photojournalist who was an extraordinary figure. Strong-willed, creative, rebellious, free woman who was a model, exponent of surrealism and photographed the bombings of the Second World War. I was very struck by his story, which I didn't know.
Born in the United States, during World War II Miller was one of the few women allowed to document the conflict and one of the first correspondents to visit the concentration camps at the end of the Holocaust. Among other things, he photographed some of the most notable events of the war, such as the Blitz (i.e. Nazi Germany's aerial bombing of London) and the liberation of Paris.
I was very struck by his search for freedom and creativity, not wanting to be tied to anyone - not even the great artist Man Ray - and by living his youth in restlessness and artistic research. He took some of the most beautiful photos of the Second World War, as if the horror, the urgency, the adrenaline of war were the lifeblood of his creativity.
It made me think a lot that at 40, once the war was over and her job was over, she got married, went to live in Great Britain, had a child and from there led a more sheltered country life, less adventurous and creative but perhaps no less happy (you say I related to you???), dedicating herself to cooking and becoming a reference name for English haute cuisine. It is an example of how lives change, evolve, transform.
Unfortunately the exhibition is no longer there but you can learn more about the character thanks to these books:
Exhibition catalogue
Biography written by his son
The Fuhrer's bathtub by Serena Dandini
There is also a film Lee, starring Kate Winslet which recently screened at the Toronto Film Festival
and which I hope will arrive in Italy soon. At this link you will find more information
FILM TO SEE AT THE CINEMA
Starting Again with Myself by Nathan Ambrosoni
A story of female rebirth starring Camille Cottin (beloved protagonist of Call my agent). Toni is 43 years old, with five grown-up children and dreams locked in the memory drawer. She doesn't refuse to be a mother but wants a new future ahead of her, deciding to enroll in university. A delicate and funny film about a woman who takes control of her life.
Perfect Days by Wim Wenders
They called it the new masterpiece of the master of German cinema.
Set in Tokyo, it follows the story of Hirayama, a sixty-year-old Japanese man who cleans the city's public toilets with meticulous attention to detail and painstaking dedication to his work.
Following the same routine every day starting from careful attention to personal hygiene.
A film that is based on details and silences, the people Hirayama meets, his readings and listening to music. A philosophical film that seeks the meaning of life in the little things and that puts people at peace.
If you are interested, here is the link to the podcast that Andrea Zirio and I created on the exhibition and the film Perfect Days.
BOOKS AND FILMS TO NOTE FOR 2024
Here are the books coming out in January that I recommend you bookmark:
Michela Murgia, Giving life
(purchasable at this link )
Jenny Odell, Saving Time
(purchasable at this link )
Emanuela Anechoum, Tangerinn
Michael Cunningham, Day
(purchasable at this link )
Chiara Valerio, Who says and who is silen
t
I remind you that to receive the complete newsletter every week you need to subscribe to this link https://www.myflaneuse.com/plans
See you soon,
Martha
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